I praise God for His Word. I am in awe of how many times I can relate to the men and women within the pages of the Bible. Sometimes it is wonderful to relate to the heartfelt praises of our amazing Lord. Other times, it is disturbing (yet comforting) how I can relate to the depravity of our humanity through their trials, tribulations, choices, doubts, fears, mistakes, etc.
Recently, I was reading My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers (June 18). This particular day was relating to Peter. I have to say that many times I have felt I could relate to Peter---in his loving and denying-----trusting and doubting-----passion and sleeping. This was one of those days. Praise God!!!
Matthew 14:29-30
"He said, "Come." So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, "Lord, save me."
Chambers says,
"The wind really was boisterous, and the waves really were high, but Peter didn't see them at first. He didn't consider them at all; he simply recognized his Lord, stepped out in recognition of Him, and 'walked on water.' Then he began to take those things around him into account, and instantly, down he went."
Peter stepped out, boldly, in faith. Then considered what it was he was actually doing----and started sinking fast.
This is me.
Our adoption is something we have felt very strong leadership from God in pursuing. The point at which we decided that it was time to stop talking and start acting, we jumped in with both feet. Before we knew it, we were up to our ears in paperwork.
That is where it began.
Excitement gave way to fear. I began sinking. I have been overwhelmed by the process of preparing documents and gathering information. The looming issue of financing our adoption has weighed heavy on my heart. All I have been focusing on are the circumstances around me.
Like Peter, what was once a beautiful step of faith and obedience turned into despair and doubt.
Chambers goes on to say,
"If you are truly recognizing your Lord, you have no business being concerned about how and where He engineers your circumstances. The things surrounding you are real, but when you look at them you are immediately overwhelmed, and even unable to recognize Jesus. Then comes his rebuke, ' . . . why did you doubt?'(14:31). Let your actual circumstances be what they may, but keep recognizing Jesus, maintaining complete reliance upon Him."
These wise word of Scripture and reflections of a godly man, were exactly what I needed to read. I marvel at how God works.
Hebrews 11:1
"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen."
Faith. Faith means we do not know how things will work out--but God does.
He will work out the timing. He will prepare our hearts. He will choose our child. He will straighten out the details. He will provide.
His provision for these things may look vastly different from anything I can think or imagine. I, however, need not dwell on the circumstances but focus and trust on the lovely face of Jesus.
Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus
Just to take Him at His Word
Just to rest upon His promise
Just to know, thus saith the Lord
Jesus, Jesus how I trust Him
How I've proved Him oer and oer
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus
O, for grace to trust Him more.
O, for grace to trust Him more . . .
Amazing.
God has encouraged my heart, extended His hand, and pulled me up out of the waters that were engulfing me. My Lord, I need to trust you more!!
I do not know how or when. I know a risen Savior! I know my God, His character, His promises! He is faithful to the utmost.
My flesh will creep up on me----I know myself too well----but I have determined that as soon as I feel as though I am sinking to purposefully refocus my attention to Jesus.
Adoption update: we have completed our home study and are waiting for approval. This could take 1-2 weeks. Once we have approval of our home study, we start to, officially, wait for our child. This is an exciting time. Approval of the home study is a benchmark in the process. After approval, we are placed on a waiting list for a referral for a child (which is when we matched up with a child) and we can start applying for grants.
We are also really starting to focus on funding our adoption. We have considered and analyzed many options. Our first steps have been to utilize money we have saved and take some serious steps in changing our spending and lifestyle. Next, we will apply for grants as soon as we are able. We plan to try and do a garage sale in the fall (when it cools off a bit and our schedules slow down). As I said before, His provision may look vastly different. Regardless, there will be a way.
Will you please pray for us?
