"Trust" . . . So much has happened

So very much has happened since I last blogged.

In so many ways, the word "trust" has been the anthem of the year. Not just "trust" but "trust in the Lord".

Proverbs 3:5-6 are always verses I go to-----and, so it seems, more and more.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make straight your paths."

Do you ever just feel like you need to know more about what a word from the Lord means?

I find myself there over and over. What does it mean to "trust in the Lord"?

And so I hunt.

Batach is the Hebrew . . . meaning:

1. 
   
2. to trust
   1. 1. to trust, trust in
      2. to have confidence, be confident
      3. to be bold
      4. to be secure
   2. 1. to cause to trust, make secure
3. (TWOT) to feel safe, be careless

(from NAS OT Hebrew Lexicon)

Trust in the Lord 

Have confidence in the Lord

Be bold in the Lord

Be secure in the Lord

Feel safe in the Lord

Be free of care in the Lord

Trust in the Lord . . . with all your heart------every fiber of your being

Lean not on your own understanding---------our knowledge is so limited and many times so skewed, our view so veiled, our feelings are not reliable, BUT our Lord has all things in His hands

In all your ways---all your ways----every way

acknowledge him . . .

Yada is the Hebrew . . . meaning:

1. 1. to know 
2. to know, learn to know 
3. to perceive 
4. to perceive and see, find out and discern 
5. to discriminate, distinguish 
6. to know by experience 
7. to recognise, admit, acknowledge, confess 

(from NAS OT Hebrew Lexicon)

Acknowledge him

Know him

Learn to know him

perceive him

find him out

discern his ways

distinguish him from all others

know him by experience

recognize him

confess him

Acknowledge him . . . in all your ways

AND . . . he will make straight your paths (ESV)

I love the ESV translation of this part of the verse because it makes me think that He can take our twisting, curving, up and down, rocky, muddy paths and make them, as He wills, straight---a little Romans 8:28. The path will not always be straight and well marked. But he makes it straight as  he works all things out.

And so . . . Trust in the Lord . . . honestly, it is all I have got to hold on to, and, yet, I am many times begging the Lord, "Lord, help my unbelief!"(Mark 9:24)

I am learning to trust in the Lord--------O, for grace to trust Him more!

My anthem shall remain, "Tis, so sweet to trust in Jesus . . .

"Helplessly, desperately, breathlessly, clingingly, dependent . . . dependent on the strength of the everlasting arms to holds us, to hold our children, and to keep us in perfect peace with our minds stayed on Him. --Rachel Pieh Jones

Isaiah 41:10

fear not, for I am with you;
    be not dismayed, for I am your God;
I will strengthen you, I will help you,
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

How 'bout a Cliff Notes version of the last 10 months?

In the spring we came to realize that Ye Chan was having some significant developmental delays.

Further inquiry revealed that Ye Chan may have significant special needs (however, we have not discovered a specific diagnosis, nor do we have any kind of clear picture of what this is really going to look like)-----we continue to pray----------one that Ye Chan may defy the odds---and two being that God will prepare and equip us in our hearts, minds, souls, and bodies whatever the outcome (we know the second miraculous, divine act will happen, no doubt---the first-----our hearts rest in . . . Thy will be done.) (of course, we have many other areas we are praying our way around) :)

We spent many months working to advocate for our child for diagnostic testing and getting therapy started-----well, as much as we could from half a world away----but our agency and the Korean agency have really been diligent on our behalf----the grace of God

August 5th new adoption related laws went in to affect in Korea----and all activity ceased----in regards to getting the last batch of children home for the year.

Ye Chan started physical therapy once a week in late August. 

When we got the news that Ye Chan had started therapy, we also got the news that, because of his health needs, it appeared that his homecoming was going to be expedited.

However, given the August 5th laws, nothing moved for a couple of months.

Just this past week---we heard that our EP (emigration permission-----aka---what we have been waiting for----the first step in actually getting Ye Chan home) has been submitted. Actually, submitted several weeks ago. 

Now we wait for: the EP to be approved, for our case to be sent to the Family Court (which is the new step per the new law) and be approved, and then for our case to be sent to the Embassy for Visa processing, and then for the Travel Call----then we can make arrangements to go and bring our son home!!!

How quickly will this happen? We have no idea. Will this happen before the end of the year? Initially, we thought it had to---but---given the holidays quickly approaching----we are not so sure.

BUT----wouldn't it be a lovely Christmas gift-----bringing home our son---as we celebrate the birth of God's only Son-----like coming full circle----for it was just a couple days before Christmas 2011 that we got the call that initially united us with Ben Ye Chan Young.

I have to stop and remind myself----- "Trust in the Lord" -------His timing is perfect, His ways are perfect, He knows even though I don't

Ben Ye Chan Young will be 18 months old on November 19th. We received a picture today of him holding on to furniture and "walking". That may sound like not such a big deal. It is a HUGE deal!!! The fact that his little legs are holding him up and he is progressing toward walking is wonderful news. 

And we wait . . . preparing for a journey half way across the world . . . and a journey of a lifetime-----My Lord, You are so good to us!!!

(I know, in reading this, you might think it all sounds so matter of fact. Emotion is lost in this form of communication. Believe me, there has been plenty of emotions in the last months. Maybe, you see now how I am learning to trust in the Lord----and why is has been my heart's cry------and remember---I have had months of processing all this----so while it may be new to you---it is not to us----there are so many more details---too many to share here----but may I just praise the Lord and proclaim the excellencies of His grace!!!)

this is the picture I was speaking of above!!! (this is from our most recent pics)

How precious is this?! (Notice the family photo cameo--in the orange bag) :) (this is from our most recent pics)

From his 1st birthday celebration--wearing his hanbok (this was back in May)

This one is from August.

A better look at our most recent family pic :)

Nate and Ben <3

I have to say, it is good for my heart, to reflect on what the Lord has done, is doing, and hope in the future grace that is to come!

Anyone who might read this: We will be traveling to Korea (sooner or later)------Ben has been cared for by a Christian agency in Seoul called Eastern Social Welfare Society. His birth mom was cared for in their unwed mother's home until he was born, he stayed in their baby's home until he was placed in foster care, and now he is in the home a wonderful foster family. We have an opportunity to take with us some donations for this agency when we go to Korea. So--------I thought I would throw it out to anyone who might be interested------we are going to take an extra suitcase full of donations when we go----to give to the president of the agency. While there are many things that they are in need of on a regular basis------we thought clothing and small infant toys would be easy to pack and light weight enough not to be problematic with baggage weight restrictions. So if anyone might be interested in helping us gather together a few of these items-----here are the specifics:

1) New clothes only

2) Sizes preemie to 3T

3) no "footie" pajamas

4) Korea's season fall basically around the same time as ours----so anything available now will be perfect

Thank you! (You can send me a message on Facebook or text or call me if you are interested in helping)

God bless you and keep you

Hope---and a precious update

I have a great and genuine affection for singing beautiful songs to my precious Savior. 

Songs that are written in a way that focus on truly praising His character, His being, His mighty acts, His abounding love, His . . .you name it----telling Him how wonderful He is-----it just seems right.

So singing this song, Forever Reign by Hillsong United, brims my heart with praise because it is honest and true, and every time I sing it I can relate very intimately with the words on some level. Sometimes it is raw and painful. Sometimes it is soaring joy, shouting from the rooftops. Sometimes it is quiet, peaceful agreement about the truth of all the statements. Always, always it brings me to a great remembrance of Him who is "Holy, Holy, Holy"---and, therefore, I hope . . . in Him. Read these words and think about Him who brings definition to these phrases. 

Forever Reign

You are good you are good

When there's nothing good in me

You are love you are love

On display for all to see

You are light you are light

When the darkness closes in

You are hope you are hope

You have covered all my sin

You are peace you are peace

Whom my fear in crippling

You are true you are true

Even in my wandering

You are joy you are joy

You're the reason that i sing

You are life you are life

In you death has lost its sting

Oh i'm running to your arms

I'm running to your arms

The riches of your love will always be enough

Nothing compares to your embrace

Light of the world forever reign

You are more you are more

Than my words will ever say

You are lord you are lord

All creation will proclaim

You are here you are here

In your presence i'm made whole

You are god you are god

Of all else i'm letting go

Hallelujah forever

All the glory forever

All the praise to you

My heart will sing

No other name

Jesus jesus

Forever Reign (Hillsong United)---listen here: http://youtu.be/au3EGgISYMc

I had a wonderful opportunity to sing this song a couple times this past weekend at an event with our students. We spent the weekend reflecting on holiness and The One who IS HOLY.  I was blessed by the teaching of the Word and the ushering to the throne of grace in cooperate worship.

As I often do, my mind started going places and remembering things that our Lord has done and shown us as we journey. 

One thing I remembered: 

After having a miscarriage very early in our first pregnancy, I felt compelled to have a "stone of remembrance" of sorts. Something to look at to remember our child but also God's sovereignty. I came across a Willow Tree figurine of a little boy holding a balloon with the word "hope" written in it 

I know some of you may think that I am a little off the rocker, but this little figurine has become a picture in my mind of holding on to the One who can restore and truly bring hope in the midst of darkness and pain and waiting and silence----and in the great big middle of busyness, hustle and bustle of living every day. 

In those days, I was heartbroken and yearning. It was dark. I struggled with trusting and relying on God and His promises. I continually forced myself to go back to what I knew (and know) to be true of Him. Where my heart bled, the Spirit testified to my soul--bringing to remembrance all things of Him. 

I looked at it like this: holding on to the truth was like holding on to that string attached to the "hope" balloon-----even if holding on by the last thread hold on to the hope found in the Author of our Salvation.

Like, for instance,  the woman in Mark 5:25-34. She suffered years of pain and isolation. Her desperate effort to get to Jesus. Just to touch His garment---reaching for the threads---holding on to hope---of even just things she had heard about Him--not even things she knew to be true about Him . . . yet. She said, "If I touch even his garments, I will be made well." Immediately she was healed. Immediately Jesus knew that power had gone our from Him because someone had touched His garment in faith. How many people must have touched Him in that crowd. Yet her touch was different. Just grasping for the edge of His garment. Grasping for hope.

Cling to thread of hope that is the Holy One!

Behold, the eye of the LORD is on those who fear him,
on those who hope in his steadfast love, Psalm 33:18

Maybe this remembrance came to mind in my reflection because----well---honestly, because I needed to be reminded of this rather often. My God is hope-----He is the only thing that I can cling to to have hope. Even more, He is hope because He is Holy. He is not just Holy. He is Holy, Holy, Holy.

And in the words of Isaiah: "Woe is me, for I am ruined!" (6:5)

When confronted with His holiness----it automatically reveals my sinfulness----it brings me to an acute awareness of my need for Him every single second of every single day----and then it makes me marvel at His glorious grace and forgiveness-----and how He brings me hope.

Right now. I need to cling. To trust. As we wait to hold our little boy in Korea. This week I got a precious E-mail that looked a whole lot like a string dangling from above----with a great big invitation to grab hold and hope.

I know this has been a long post----bear with me a little background . . . 

We got to send Ye Chan a Christmas present even though he received it well after Christmas. We received some wonderful advice on what kind of presents to send him. We were encouraged to appeal to his senses. So we sent a baby album with family pictures in it, a little blanket that we slept with for a few nights before sending to him so our "smell" would be on it, a recordable photo album, and some clothes and toys. 

The recordable photo album we used to introduce ourselves to him. Each of us shared a message with Ye Chan and then shared a scripture blessing with him. Here is a little snip-it:

I am so thankful for those that have gone before us on this journey. For their wisdom and wonderful ideas.

The E-mail: We received an E-mail with an update on Ye Chan this week. We received new pictures. Including our first family picture:

How incredibly awesome is this?!!?!!! And so you might see why I need to be reminded to place my hope in Him who holds all things in His hands. My heart is yearning once again. Every new picture. Half way around the world our son is waiting---and so are we. My precious heavenly Father is in control of this too. He is sovereign over all things. I know this may seem small in the grand scheme of things, but the application is huge to any circumstance we face. 

Here is the little blanket. Look at that hair!

I promise-----there is nothing like Hoping in Grace----Oh, I'm running to Your arms!

It has been a long time . . .

My dear brothers and sisters in Christ. 

You have prayed and shared generously with us both in life and in giving. 

We are so incredibly grateful that you have joined us--and many times stood in the gap for us on this journey. God’s grace and love extended to us through you is overwhelming, humbling, amazing. 

Will you continue to stand? 

On December 22 we received the call--hearing the words we have been longing to hear--”we have a possible referral . . .” We could not believe it was happening. What a precious Christmas gift! Our Savior born to live, die, and rise again---so that we might be adopted as sons through Him--and through the miracle of earthly adoption--for us--a new son. 

Our minds can not even wrap around it. Our hearts are bursting--already yearning to hold this little man and look him in the eyes and tell him we love him. 

And this is where we ask you to continue to stand. 

This is where the most difficult waiting begins. Now we have seen his face. We know his background. Now we will wait a year or more to bring him home. It is the nature of adoption in Korea at this time. However, we are (and have been) praying for divine intervention--that He may loosen that which is bound--that children may be able to come home quicker.

Let us share a little about Ye Chan. He was born in Seoul, South Korea on May 19, 2011. He was born weighing just 3.5 pounds at 35 weeks gestation. He seems to have bounced back from prematurity quite nicely.  He has been very well cared for medically. He is currently living with a foster family. His birth mother is a Christian and said that she is, “hoping that the child would live his life praising Jesus.” We do too! 

Ways you can pray:  

PRAY for Ye Chan that God will prepare his little heart for our family and the challenges he will face being introduced to our culture. Pray for his health/growth/development. Pray for security and stability in his current home, for his salvation--that he may be a man who follows after God all the days of his life.

PRAY for Mrs. Kim--Ye Chan’s foster mom--and her family. Pray for strength and endurance in their caregiving, for their hearts as they take care of our son, and for their salvation.

PRAY for the duration of the adoption process. Pray for the immigration issues and quota system that regulates how many children can come home each year. We are praying that somehow we may not have to wait so long. We are praying for our paperwork to be processed with favor as it moves through the process. We are praying for God to move mountains. Only God can. His will be done. And we rest in this.

PRAY for us as we prepare for Ye Chan to come home, please pray for us in “the wait”---God is never inactive in the wait time. Pray for the adoption education that we will be utilizing to prepare for the unique challenges of adoption and international adoption. Pray for Nathan as he prepares to receive a little brother--that his love and anticipation for him will be a great joy. Pray as we continue to foster a (now) 10 week old baby girl. Pray for salvation for her and her family as well. 

Thank you faithful servants and prayer warriors for living for your Savior.

It has certainly been a long time . . . since we have updated our blog . . . waiting in the process . . . but . . .

in the months that have passed so many things have happened:

We have been able to secure capital for our immediate needs for the adoption process--through refinancing our home. An absolute blessing. It was a way for us to take out a loan at the lowest interest rate we could find and the longest term we could find. And it enabled us to have cash available for our International Fees that were due when we received our referral. 

Subsequently, we heard from Show Hope that we received a grant from them. Amazing!!! They will release the funds closer to the time we travel. 

We hope to work toward paying our mortgage back down on the back end of the process. It may not work out that way--and that is okay--it was very hard to come to the place of having to take this step of faith--realizing that God's provision looks different than we think a lot of the time. Here is what I do know: God is in control, He is faithful, He is trustworthy--and that is all I need.

We do have other grant applications out, but we have not heard back from any others. We are resting in His goodness right now. An amazing peace--it will work out.

We completed our DHS training at the beginning of October and have fostered two newborns so far. We are tired :). Something wonderful has happened, though. A whole new perspective to foster care---being as our son is being cared for by a foster family half way around the world. God is mysterious in His ways----and how grand His ways are!!!

¹ Praise the LORD!
Oh give thanks to the LORD, for he is good,
   for his steadfast love endures forever! Psalm 106:1

I am here before you to proclaim the excellencies of His grace and the wonderful miracle of His love. 

I am continually amazed. 

How can the hearts of a family in Oklahoma be bound to a little boy in Korea instantly? 

Only God. 

How is it that this little boy's Korean (given) name means "praise Jesus"---and that is the desire of our hearts for him? 

Only God. 

We have already seen so many prayers answered regarding our adoption journey---prayers we have prayed for this little boy before he was born----for his birth mom and her decisions while she was pregnant, for her heart, for his health, for his care.

Only God.

I promise you God is good. Only He will sustain us to the time when we get to hold this sweet boy in our arms. Please join us as we continue in prayer, in faith, hoping in grace. . .

Testimony

This past Sunday our pastor preached on John 4:1-42, the story of Jesus and the Samaritan woman.

I love this passage. It shows how Jesus came to seek and save the lost, heal the broken, redeem the sick of heart----the most lost, the most broken, the sickest, the poorest . . . me.

Look at the barriers that Jesus knocked down to minister to the soul of this woman:


She was a woman . . . culturally inappropriate for a man to talk to a woman he did not know in public

She was a Samaritan . . . with whom the Jews did not associate

She was at the well at noon . . . she was shunned by her peers--shamed

She had been married five times and the man she lived with at that time was not her husband . . . she was immoral


Yet, Jesus, patiently, lovingly, without judgement draws her heart to his--even while pointing out the painful wounds of her sin.

Beautiful!!!

The part of this story that I am always drawn to is her response:

verse 28 says: "So the woman left her water jar and went away into town and said to people,"

She left her water jar.

She had journeyed to the well in the heat of the day with a "large earthenware pitcher, carried either on the shoulder or the hip." (ESV Study Bible)

It is like her trip to the well that day was symbolic of the burdens that she carried in her heart. She was alone, avoiding the scrutiny of her peers, hot, carrying a physically burdensome jar . . . and then she met Jesus.

After that conversation was over--she left her jar--almost like leaving her burdens behind

And then . . . Testimony

She was a shameful outcast in her town, but after she met Jesus she ran to town and told the people what Jesus did.

And they listened to her.

That is the power of a changed heart proclaiming the glorious riches of our amazing Savior!!!

verse 39 says "Many Samaritans from that town believed in him because of the woman's testimony, "He told me all that I ever did."

Jesus used her as His tool to draw others to Himself. She was not spiritually educated before she went, or mature in her faith, nor did she have the ugly details of her life cleaned up.

She, simply, encountered the Savior of the world and was so excited that she broke out of her shameful existence and had to go tell the people of her town.

Amazing!!!

If we have been "saved by grace through faith" (Ephesians 2:8-9), we have a testimony to tell.

Do not for one second discount yours. How can any testimony of the work of God in the life of a sinner be less than glorious?!

It may be simple, it may have been a long time ago, it may be today. It may be the testimony of how you were first saved--or a testimony of God's grace as He has carried you through--or a testimony of what He has taught you today.

Leave your water jar . . . go tell!

The power and gentleness of the grace of Christ are absolutely amazing to me. God is so so good!

May I testify?

Deuteronomy 23:21 says, "If you make a vow to the LORD your God, you shall not delay fulfilling it, for the LORD your God will surely require it of you, and you will be guilty of sin."

I just read this a couple of days ago. This verse touched my heart. I think it means so much because it explains the great urgency within me in fulfilling a vow that we feel called by God to do . . . adopting.

Many years ago we considered adopting after facing the trials of infertility. We saw adoption as a way to build our family if we were unable to do so "naturally". Then we had our son, Nathan. For a time, adoption seemed like something that we still would like to do---in the future. Oh, how our hearts erred in even the consideration of adoption! This spring a new burden came upon us. Enough talk about "our future"! Action . . . now. Like the scales dropped from our eyes, we found ourselves compelled to act----or live in disobedience. Adoption is not for the purpose of building our family (though a gracious byproduct). Adoption is what Christ has done for us. Adoption is the Gospel. We are learning more and more what this is and means and looks like. The Spirit has just placed in us a great desire for obedience to the things that are important to the heart of God. Please, please do not be impressed with us. There is nothing to be impressed about. We are but filthy rags. We have not taken hold of it. We are nothing apart from Christ (John 15:5). There is nothing good in us (Romans 3:10). We point to Jesus Christ! He receives all glory and honor and praise! This is not about us. He must increase, we must decrease (John 3:30)

And so----we have lived in the whirlwind that is the "process" for the last few months.

June 30 our home study was approved!!! That is a huge milestone. The Lord willing, we may be able to learn who our child is----who is by God's sovereignty---already Young at heart----in just a few months. Absolutely blows my mind!

I beg you to pray. God is faithful. Your prayers are strength to the weary---beckoning the help of the Almighty.

We do need help. It is humbling and incredibly awkward to share this. I know it meets the eyes of those with differing opinions on the subject. However, if there is a stirring in your heart---I do not want my pride to be a barrier to a way that God may use to help see this process to fruition. I can assure you that I do not offer false humility or assumptions----I only look to God----many times with wavering trust----asking Him to move mountains. I do not know, but He does. My view is so limited, but His is full.

Here is a way to give:
Make checks payable to: Dillon International, Inc. (our adoption agency)
designate on the check: donation for Jeron and Kristine Young adoption
mail to: Dillon International, Inc
3227 East 31st Street, Suite 200
Tulsa, OK 74105

(unfortunately, because the check will be designated for a specific person, the donation can not be used as a charitable contribution, even though our agency is a non-profit--but this option does help us, in that the donation will not be counted as income for us)

Thank you so very much

Can You Relate?

I praise God for His Word. I am in awe of how many times I can relate to the men and women within the pages of the Bible. Sometimes it is wonderful to relate to the heartfelt praises of our amazing Lord. Other times, it is disturbing (yet comforting) how I can relate to the depravity of our humanity through their trials, tribulations, choices, doubts, fears, mistakes, etc.

Recently, I was reading My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers (June 18). This particular day was relating to Peter. I have to say that many times I have felt I could relate to Peter---in his loving and denying-----trusting and doubting-----passion and sleeping. This was one of those days. Praise God!!!

Matthew 14:29-30
"He said, "Come." So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, "Lord, save me."

Chambers says,

"The wind really was boisterous, and the waves really were high, but Peter didn't see them at first. He didn't consider them at all; he simply recognized his Lord, stepped out in recognition of Him, and 'walked on water.' Then he began to take those things around him into account, and instantly, down he went."

Peter stepped out, boldly, in faith. Then considered what it was he was actually doing----and started sinking fast.

This is me.

Our adoption is something we have felt very strong leadership from God in pursuing. The point at which we decided that it was time to stop talking and start acting, we jumped in with both feet. Before we knew it, we were up to our ears in paperwork.

That is where it began.

Excitement gave way to fear. I began sinking. I have been overwhelmed by the process of preparing documents and gathering information. The looming issue of financing our adoption has weighed heavy on my heart. All I have been focusing on are the circumstances around me.

Like Peter, what was once a beautiful step of faith and obedience turned into despair and doubt.

Chambers goes on to say,

"If you are truly recognizing your Lord, you have no business being concerned about how and where He engineers your circumstances. The things surrounding you are real, but when you look at them you are immediately overwhelmed, and even unable to recognize Jesus. Then comes his rebuke, ' . . . why did you doubt?'(14:31). Let your actual circumstances be what they may, but keep recognizing Jesus, maintaining complete reliance upon Him."

These wise word of Scripture and reflections of a godly man, were exactly what I needed to read. I marvel at how God works.

Hebrews 11:1

"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen."

Faith. Faith means we do not know how things will work out--but God does.

He will work out the timing. He will prepare our hearts. He will choose our child. He will straighten out the details. He will provide.

His provision for these things may look vastly different from anything I can think or imagine. I, however, need not dwell on the circumstances but focus and trust on the lovely face of Jesus.

Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus
Just to take Him at His Word
Just to rest upon His promise
Just to know, thus saith the Lord

Jesus, Jesus how I trust Him
How I've proved Him oer and oer
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus
O, for grace to trust Him more.

O, for grace to trust Him more . . .

Amazing.

God has encouraged my heart, extended His hand, and pulled me up out of the waters that were engulfing me. My Lord, I need to trust you more!!

I do not know how or when. I know a risen Savior! I know my God, His character, His promises! He is faithful to the utmost.

My flesh will creep up on me----I know myself too well----but I have determined that as soon as I feel as though I am sinking to purposefully refocus my attention to Jesus.



Adoption update: we have completed our home study and are waiting for approval. This could take 1-2 weeks. Once we have approval of our home study, we start to, officially, wait for our child. This is an exciting time. Approval of the home study is a benchmark in the process. After approval, we are placed on a waiting list for a referral for a child (which is when we matched up with a child) and we can start applying for grants.

We are also really starting to focus on funding our adoption. We have considered and analyzed many options. Our first steps have been to utilize money we have saved and take some serious steps in changing our spending and lifestyle. Next, we will apply for grants as soon as we are able. We plan to try and do a garage sale in the fall (when it cools off a bit and our schedules slow down).  As I said before, His provision may look vastly different. Regardless, there will be a way.

Will you please pray for us?

Waiting on the Lord

"God is never inactive in our wait time." --Beth Moore, Esther (session 5 video) I remember standing in my mother-in-love's kitchen, in the spring of 2009, weeping as I watched this video. I wept because I knew this was the truth----but more so because I had missed this truth and dredged through our "wait time" in weakness. 

Beth Moore went on to say, "We feel so weak in the wait-----when we wait upon the event, the thing, the person we will be weak. BUT--when we wait upon the Lord our strength will be renewed. "

²⁸Have you not known? Have you not heard?The LORD is the everlasting God,

   the Creator of the ends of the earth.

He does not faint or grow weary;

   his understanding is unsearchable.

²⁹He gives power to the faint,

   and to him who has no might he increases strength.

³⁰Even youths shall faint and be weary,

   and young men shall fall exhausted;

³¹but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength;

   they shall mount up with wings like eagles;

they shall run and not be weary;

   they shall walk and not faint.

Isaiah 40:28-31

As I was standing there, I was 6 1/2 months pregnant with our son, Nathan. We had waited on this precious gift for over 4 1/2 years. A miscarriage and several years of unexplained infertility had passed by------and I was waiting on a child----not the Lord---and I was weak and my heart was troubled in that time. 

The Lord was with me during that time. He was completely sovereign in that time. His timing was perfect. His plan was right and for our good. The reality, as I stood there thinking back, was that I realized this truth in hindsight and not in the midst. It broke my heart and comforted me at the same time.

John Piper says, "God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him". 

I want, with all my heart, to be satisfied in Him.

My husband, Jeron, was teaching last week to our students---and remembrance of this time was brought to my heart and mind.

He was teaching from James 1 on trials. The truth penetrated deep into my soul, yet again. We are all in trials---whether we think we are, or not. If we are in need of something, or long for something (like a child), our trial is in wanting "the thing" over wanting God. If we have everything we need and things are good, our trial is that we rely on "the things" more than we rely on God. How perplexing---and true. 

We battle every day to desire God above all things---to be most satisfied in Him. And for me, I fall on my face daily. And there is grace . . .

Jesus, You're my Great Reward
You are my portion, Lord
and while in heaven you plead for me
draw my every thought to Thee

I love you, Lord
Jesus my King
I want to love You more
my Great Reward

I have this treasure in a jar of clay
All You glory on display 

Im a sinner who was saved by grace
You have made me a dwelling place

You are all I'm living for
I'm moving toward the prize
One thing I ask
and this I seek
to gaze into Your eyes

Shane & Shane

He is our Great Reward! 

He is the only thing that can satisfy my deepest longings! 

He is the One I wait upon. 

We are in a "wait time" again in our lives.

A journey of trust and surrender. 

Lord willing, we will have the incredible blessing of adopting soon.

This time, though I am still learning, my soul rests in the sovereignty of God. I am weak in my flesh---but I am strong in Him.

I look forward to sharing how amazing God is as we continue to move forward------waiting on Him.